now, what in the world makes me think that my appeal would ever be successful. if it was, i'll immediately leave my school and head there. i sure could use some help form above.

i wanna get out of this shithole! i just hope i can appeal successfully=/
my eyes burn || 3:04 PM

so the school finally told me that i've been retained. oh what joy, i'm so gonna celebrate and go jumping around school because i've finally got what i asked for.

2 more years in that shithole for me, now why didn't i think that it was worth celebrating?

i've got a clause attached to me retaining though, and that is to quit hockey. splendid! don't you think? the school management has once again demonstrated to everyone how much they hate hockey and the effects they think it'll bring to the students.

just splendid, three cheers for pioneer junior college anyone?

or do they want nine cheers with thirty-three claps? i'll be glad to throw in those too. and accompany those with a couple of champagne bottles, let's party and sing praises for the school for it is a place where teachers are ever-so caring and teach with patience so that the students they produce are up there with the best. let's not forget that we, the students of pioneer junior college, are supposed to be PIONEERS in the things we do.

now, let's see, who would ever have such a crazy thought. tell that to the chemistry tutors who go so fast in the syllabus like there's no tomorrow.

and the gp tutors, bitchiest bunch of people around.

oh the list just goes on and on, i'd better stop wasting my time telling everyone what a great place this is. it's just free publicity for the school

I LOVE YOU, PIONEER JUNIOR COLLEGE! YOU ARE THE PLACE WHERE PEOPLE ULTIMATELY SCREW THEIR LIVES UP AND GO TO POLYTECHNICS AFTER THEIR A LEVELS.

sweet sweet praises=D
my eyes burn || 2:47 PM

life's been good so far since the last time i blogged, and i do mean really good. it's never been better.

gonna get retained though. my promotional status is pending and, really, i don't hold high hopes.
but i want to get retained, my results are far too lousy already. i don't want to get promoted and screw up my A levels later. i would be glad to retain, so lin kui fong, please do me a favour and recommend to the principal that she have me retained. be nice for once.

hockey training started a couple of weeks ago, and it has been good. tough but good, though hiap does get unreasonable at times, getting all pissed off at certain things that doesn't really matter that much at all. but i still think that we can go really far next year under him.

oh well, hockey training tomorrow. hope we'll do better against jwss, well at least better than the last match.

prata at upper thomson for lunch tomorrow baby, oh you're so gonna love it=D
my eyes burn || 11:08 PM

after a thousand, million, trillion, gazillion + 23299479249274 years, i've finally decided to update my blog again.

it's been so, so long, but i'm back.

hello again, people! =)
my eyes burn || 11:05 PM

burning midnight oit tonight.

i want to score an A for tomorrow's chem test! wish me luck.

i so want to do well for all my tests and i need to buck up for econs and history already.

gonna meet my targets for promos.
my eyes burn || 11:23 PM

i am exhausted and i feel so, so drained. i want to just let go of everything, to just freefall into the abyss. forever. a never-ending fall. so that i can just close my eyes and let gravity take care of everything.

and how i wish i could fall into a deep slumber and never wake up. so that i could just live in a perfect place i so yearn. a place where i would never ever be so exhausted. a place where i would never lose my sanity.

i need salvation.
my eyes burn || 10:33 PM

countdown: exactly 6 weeks

yes, 6 weeks from now i shall be taking my promotional exams. for the others, i guess, it'll just be another paper. they'll just have to pass it and they'll have safe passage into the second year of their pre-university education.

for me, this'll be the biggest examination in my life. much bigger than the o levels, i must say.

reason? it'll be this paper that actually determines whether i can stay in college or not.

i don't want to retain, i don't want to get kicked out and i want to promote. just like the others.

but yet.

that prospect seems pretty grim. i know, the others have been motivating me and giving me encouragement. especially you and i want to prove to everyone that i've seen my mistakes and i want to atone for my mistakes.

i want to do this right. for my parents, for my family, for you and most importantly, for myself.

i don't know how to describe this. but i feel so, so drained. never in my life have i felt like this.

maybe it's just what i deserve for my attitude. who would've known that things would have escalated to such a scale.

i am on the verge. i am treading on a very, very thin line. and my luck has finally run out.

it's like what my dad told me. i have to wait till the gun is pointed right at my face before i realise what is right.

of course, there are positives that i can look to in my life now.

but.

why is it that i never learn from my mistakes?

why is it that i must always wait till the last minute?
my eyes burn || 10:01 PM

I AM SO GONNA FAIL TOMORROW'S ECONS COMMON TEST! =(
my eyes burn || 6:26 PM

had a little catch-up session with ms venessa toh the other night. and i tell you, we still had so much to talk about.

no wonder we used to be such close friends. best friends in fact. i guess it's like what she said, "maybe if the connection is there, it will always be. that's why we clicked and were besties".

hmm, reminded me of all the fun times we had. come out for a movie with the other guys sometime soon alright?

heard that there were some differences within their clique and, apparently, the clique has been reduced to chao wei, gabriel, eng kai and venessa. oh, plus chye tee too. i don't really know what happened, but i still know a little bit of what happened. and ms toh, I TOLD YOU SO! i hope she doesn't read this. or else i'm ohh so gonna get killed.

it's sad things turned out to be like this for them. but i guess, certain people change and certain people make mistakes and friends are made and lost in the process. but i hope to see their clique all reunited again. kelvin, eng kai, weikok, chao wei, gabriel, venessa and chye tee.

so ms toh, please go do something about it. the next time i talk to you i want to hear kelvin and weikok back in your clique okay? haha. alright gotta go mug now. the promos are almost in my face already=(
my eyes burn || 11:41 AM

just got off the phone and it's like 430 in the morning now. it was so damn nice talking to you! =D

mugging at kap again and fireworks at esplanade.

very productive. and i managed to do up half of my personal notes for reaction kinetics, although much of it was copied directly from my lecture notes.

shopping at westmall was nice today. both of us finally got the same pair of shoes after a week's wait. brown converse sneakers and i swear they're the nicest pair anyone has ever seen.

met xue er at orchard mrt before going down to the esplanade for fireworks. the fireworks were great! and the entire time was just perfect. but i tell you, squeezing through crowds is not an experience i will want to remember.

dinner at mos burger was not bad, but it was without shah though. he left with nurul (did i spell that right?) and the both of them are awfully compatible.

xue er and sam took 960 home then i met up with her and both of us cabbed home together. it was nice, i tell you, and you really don't know the places in singapore well! okay, maybe you're really blind in the night. haha.

ohh well, today's been a good day overall, nothing bad happening at all today. major mugging again tomorrow at home and i'll still have to finish that bloody lit review for the written report, even though i've an important econs lecture test on monday which i've yet to start studying.

can't that bitch just get off my back? she's so frigging irritating! and i hope she does read this and do some self-reflection. NO ONE LIKES YOU, FOR PETE'S SAKE! YOU BIATCH! CAN YOU JUST DO MANKIND A FAVOUR AND GO SHOOT YOURSELF? AND GIVE US ALL A CHANCE TO REJOICE OVER YOUR DEMISE. ohh and by the way, have i told you that your hair looks worse than a lion's mane? JUST GO SHAVE YOUR HEAD BALD LUHH. FUGGING BIATCH.
my eyes burn || 2:14 AM

mugging at kap today was rather productive, for the first half of the day.

but i guess it's just my off day today. only managed to finish section a and b of e mcq after sitting from 10 to 7. so, yes you can say that it wasn't not productive at all.

kap is just so crowded nowadays that it is no longer conducive already. though it's still quite alright. i missed the times when kap was super quiet and super empty. i guess it's just because it's the A and O level season.

anyway, dinner at al-azhar was good today. pratas galore and the paper prata sucked! totally tasted like kleenex luhh. but oh well, dinner was still good. and you are not fat pleasee! =P

left al-azhar at 10 and yes, ten dollars a day is insufficient! i'm beginning to count down already. friday had better be a short day.
my eyes burn || 11:16 PM

the trip to kiddy palace today. how amusing pleasee.

like we've never seen pink sandals before.

shades and soft toys, though mine's pink and his is blue.

ahmad was supposed to be on the other side being amused by the lego with me. but somehow sam decided to take me only, on purpose of course. -.-
my eyes burn || 2:43 AM

mugging at kap today was quite conducive. and although i managed to finish my reaction kinetic notes, i only understand half of it's contents. i still need tuition from you.

missed the fireworks totally. sam, ahmad, xue er and i only managed to catch the last few "booms" of the fireworks. saddening pleasee.

went up the pan pacific lift. it's been almost 10 years since i've last been on that thing. so you could imagine the nostalgia when i was on it.

walked around marina square a little and the whole time was damn amusing can! after awhile maio came and xue er left. air of awkward-ness.

oh and did i mention we bumped into audrey and nut?

dinner at carl's jr was good. I FINALLY GOT MY HANDS ON CARL'S JR! and the burger was colossal, i tell you. surprisingly i finished the entire thing. together with the fries and the huge drink i had.

i have serious doubts on how i am going to wake up at 8.30 tomorrow. mugging at kap with sam, shah and ahmad tomorrow and i'm supposed to be meeting them at 9 tomorrow! i'm so gonna be late again.

fireworks and converse shoes this saturday and i'm so frigging looking forward to it. let's stand by the dustbin with our new shoes on and throw our unwanted old pair away okay!
my eyes burn || 2:18 AM

i've gotten another new stick! this time it's a vampire wooden one. 25 dollars, what a bargain right? johann, shunting, sam and i all got it together.


my vampire

my vijayanti and my vampire

my retired diana
my eyes burn || 2:36 AM

lake house and studying on sunday totally rocked!

sandra bullock was still able to look reasonable despite her age and someone was head over heels for keanu reeves.

dinner at coffee bean was amusing! so much cheese! and silei, thanks for telling me to add smoked salmon to my caesar's salad. it tasted good!

studying was ultra conducive and for the first time, i didn't freeze at coffee bean although i was wearing only a t-shirt and shorts.

i'm so looking forward to tomorrow. national day celebrations and after that, MUGGING!

oh and trust me, you aren't fat. and yes, nydc cakes rock!!
my eyes burn || 2:27 AM

i'm sitting here, half-updating and half-doing my econs essay and it's like bloody 2 am. i am so gonna fail thanks to FM!

anyway, the past weekend was good. soccer at long, long last on saturday and i'm very surprised that i'm still able to play goalkeeper well! scored 2, but the best part was still being goalkeeper. and i just realised how much i missed soccer after that day.

went down to coffee bean to mug with casso and swee siong after soccer. roast chicken and mushroom fusili rocks, i tell you. we were eventually chased out of the place when it started to get crowded because some of the customers couldn't get a place to have their meal.

but it didn't matter anyway, because casso and i ended up studying at mcdonald's. left the place at 6.45 for delta. we met shaminah on the way on the train.

singapore vs india (women's match) was good. singapore played better than they did against japan. BUT, they were still routed 6-0. no matter, there's still hope for the future of singapore hockey. bumped into matthew and pseudo-sam there along with the pj girls' team there.

oh and did i mention that the really hot girl was there too. haha. she totally turned heads on friday! it was so amusing. cheeping and i were just laughing at the entire team on friday!

anyway, shaminah managed to catch up with some of her crescent classmates there. two of them were in singapore hockey. how cool is that? she has friends who are national hockers!

ohh well, hockey is fun and shaminah, you should just quit netball and join hockey! i'm so glad i took this sport up.
my eyes burn || 2:10 AM

let's see.

school
study
eat
sleep

that's all i can think of. shucks, i just realised that i'm so frigging random.
my eyes burn || 10:20 PM

the thought that everyone else is training and playing while you're studying sucks.

i am so gonna suck after the promos. not that my skills are very good now.
my eyes burn || 10:13 PM

my life has become a fucking routine and i hate it.

i just so wish i could just pull the trigger on myself now and end this miserable life of mine.

i seriously need a breather from all this.

i hate it all. and i fucking hate myself for letting all the shit happen.

and i'm feeling frigging emo now.
my eyes burn || 12:36 AM

i met the principal today with my dad. all i can say is that i finally understand why she's a lousy principal.

i've been lectured by several principals and, frankly speaking, our principal sucks big time. and i do mean BIG TIME.

not just her diction, but also the way she handled the meeting with my dad just now and the way she put people down. i mean, it was supposed to be an encouraging "meet-the-parent" session. but it turned out to be a disaster.

her remarks made of me and the warnings she gave me all just struck through me like a bullet which just pierced through my heart.

for once, i felt discouraged.

and it didn't help with that dumb bitch smirking away just next to me. i so hate your hypocrisy and pretense, not to mention your unprofessionalism. your existence, in my opinion, is just one big mistake.

ohh and please, stop having prejudices against the hockey boys, will you? i know that the hockey boys have been giving trouble to the school traditionally, but that is no reason for you to threaten to close us down. and i would not be drawn into complaining about my suspension, i saw it coming a long time ago.

well, the meeting was a fruitful one. i guess i finally saw how lousy our principal was and how discouraging she was. if you want your students to do well and realise their mistakes, you do not put them down so harshly and make them think that they are the lowest beings in this world! you just suck for a principal, ask the senior students (J2s and retainees) and you'll know what i mean.

i'm so gonna prove all of you wrong. just wait and see.
my eyes burn || 11:53 PM

from today onwards, i shall denounce my social life.

there will still be the occasional movies and hockey matches. but besides that, i guess i'll just have to devote my time to preparing for my promos.

i just can't afford to get kicked out of the system at the end of the year or retain. yes, this is a rather daunting task, given the amount of time i have left. but i do hope that my hard work will pay off.

please give me a miracle. i need it so, so badly.
my eyes burn || 11:46 PM

maybe i should just end this dream of mine. it will never ever work out and i should just listen to what they advice me to do.

there i go again, some might say, not having opinions of my own and being easily swayed by what others have to say. but the signs are there for me to see myself too.

ohh well, i don't want to be bothered by this. i can't afford to. i'm treading on a very thin line now and i'm on the verge of getting kicked out of college.

i guess i'll really need to reflect upon my conduct and my studies. i just have to promote and i'll bloody well shove my results into your face, you bitch. thanks for the smirk today, now i have more reason to prove to you that i can make it to J2 next year.

i just hope they're all wrong about you, but i guess, i am the one who's wrong about things. when everyone who can see things much more clearly than me say that things are so, i just have no reason to doubt them.

it's gonna be a tough decision, but things seem to be that way. i'll just have to stop fooling myself already. and just wake up from my dream.
my eyes burn || 11:20 PM

my dad hasn't been so sarcastic for a long time already=)

tomorrow my dad'll be going down to see the principal together with me and, of course, the bitch'll be there too. i am so gonna get killed after tomorrow, today's probably just a rehearsal of the worse things to come.

and i just can't stand the hypocrisy and self-consciousness of that woman already. when the hell is the other class writing that damn petition! i want to have my signature on it!

you really should just tender your resignation and end your teaching career, you sick bitch! well that's probably what you should have done a long, long time ago. don't you get it at all? the entire class hates you! so can you just fuck off and die? please? for the good of all mankind. I IMPLORE YOU!
my eyes burn || 11:55 PM

tutorial 2r test today was easy! full marks already! =D

yes and casso and nessa, i hope you guys did well for yours. casso, i hope that the little tuition i gave you yesterday worked. nessa, can pass one! the test was super-duper easy!

coffee bean mugging yesterday with ss, casso and nessa, super conducive. let's go there to mug again sometime soon casso!

and yes, i bumped into her there at coffee bean! whee! finally got to talk to her! nicee!=D next thursday pirates okay! =P

visit to pulau tekong tomorrow. to the bmtc. horriblee! can i not go? i'm gonna be in that place in another one and a half years time. i'd rather mug in school and go for training. gonna be a totally useless trip=(

ohh and on thursday, my parents will be in school to see the principal. how nice! i can picture myself dead on that day. maybe i should just go purchase a coffin now. =)

gonna do AQ now. it sucks big time pleasee! i don't wanna do it! =(
my eyes burn || 10:18 PM

this week has been a good one so far, even though only monday and tuesday have passed. BUT, last week has been shit! so this week has still been alright.

what's been happening last week:
1. slept during gp lessons and that bitch had to call my dad and send him an email just to tell him that i slept in class
2. i was sent to chua poh teck because i was defiant in my tone when i answered the bitch
3. patrick tong threatened to give me the red form just because i didn't tuck in my shirt and because i showed defiance to him (for those who didn't know, red form = you're expelled from school!)
4. quarrelled with my parents everyday
5. lots and lots of undone tutorials
6. couldn't get anything right during training

so do you know why i say that this week has been good so far? no teachers bothering me, lim chee wan's in a good mood, i can finally pay attention during tutorials and i did well for my maths test today!

i feel so proud of myself! maybe being an obedient student isn't such a bad thing after all. at least, it'll get all those irritating teachers off my back! =)
my eyes burn || 10:00 PM

i've got fucking irritating parents=(
my eyes burn || 6:10 PM

battle of the bands rocked shit! too bad shah's band couldn't make it to the semis, they rocked shit too man!

i frigging hate school for some reason and it's not helping that i have no idea at all on how to do the organic chem tutorial, which is why i'm so frigging screwed on monday.

i'm finally getting my vijayanti wooden stick!

you look so damn cute when you're studying!

and al-azhar's chicken murtabak is frigging lousy.

ohh man, i'm just getting so frigging emo and random nowadays, i can just go and die.
my eyes burn || 5:12 AM

my entries are coming in like once every fortnight, not the usual daily blogger i used to be. laziness just seemed to creep in after awhile and this is the best i can manage.

okay let's see now, this week has been a more or less a rough one. went through an emotional roller coaster. nessa's been telling me the awfully harsh truth about alot of things. well, ever since i told her all those stuff, she's been telling me what she thought about it. hmm, not everything was pleasant to hear though. BUT, sometimes the truth just isn't pleasant to hear at all.

we've been talking quite alot now, well, much more than before. and that is nice! the only sad thing is that it's never on the phone or face-to-face. nope i'm not referring to nessa, i get alot of crap from nessa all the time! (shit i forgot she reads my blog) haha kidding! well, i was referring to someone else. it's a shame that we couldn't meet up that day. let's meet up soon okae!

anyway took some pictures on my adventures this week.

notice what's written there?

my first ever yoshinoya meal, but it will be the last.

just a little bonding session we were having.

i just felt so frigging emo the entire week ever since monday! i fear i may be suffering from depression. alright kidding. not so serious at all luhh. school sucks big time!
my eyes burn || 4:29 AM

if i haven't remembered wrongly, i've gotten back all my remaining term eams results. HORRENDOUSLY DONE!!! i have no idea how i am going to break the news to my parents. they'll definitely go into a fit, i tell you. a horrible but true fact.

let's see now, the first paper i got back was my math paper and it was 16/65 which is like ungraded. the second one was my chemistry paper, 21.5/80, another ungraded. then it was economics, 15/i forgot what, it was still ungraded. finally, history, 6/25, the fourth ungraded subject. well for general paper, i got a complete shock, E grade! you could have imagined the anguish! A for chinese, nothing to celebrate.

so the verdict: AEUUUU. pretty terrible results. it'll take me a miracle to actually achieve my promos target: B for general paper, math, chemistry, history and economics and A for chinese. i need to get promoted! no polytechnic education for me. it's the A levels next year and straight As!

i've found motivation to work hard.
my eyes burn || 4:09 AM

GG LUHH!!! i got my maths paper back today and, as expected, i screwed it up big time! 16/65 =( how am i going to tell my parents about this?! i am so, so dead..

today's totally fucked and that's a total understatement pleasee. first, i was woken up by my dad at 10.30. he was practically yelling in my face! well, apparently, mdm lin called him and told him that i had that stupid pw workshop today. yes, i had already intended to pon in the beginning. and it didn't help when she started bitching about my bad stuff in class. of course, my dad demanded that i go to school. I FUCKING HATE THAT BITCH!! and my dad was equally jumpy about it. fuck it!

well, luckily i went to the movies just now. with nessa and mikhail. at least there's something good that happened today.

i'm so frigging screwed!! =(
my eyes burn || 7:49 PM

for all your bar chor mee and te kua needs, please visit www.mrbrown.com. =)
my eyes burn || 3:26 AM

extreme satisfaction today! after the mother tongue oral exam, went sakae-ing with mikhail, jess and nessa. at long, long last! it's been like 2 years, i think, since i had so much sushi! i think i had 10+ to 20 plates, one cha soba and one chawanmushi. BURP! BUT it was satisfying. =)

ohh yes! nessa brought along her kc yearbook today. whee! it's so much fun looking at the yearbooks of others luhh. =D

and please, don't talk to me about the oral exam! totally screwed up. the passage was still alright, manageable. but the conversation part totally sucked. some stupid question about what i thought about people who talk really loudly with their handphones in public. WTF KIND OF QUESTION WAS THAT?! shit, and it didn't help when i kept pausing randomly between words with all the "lors" and the "lahs". wth. i'm totally screwed this time round. =(
my eyes burn || 2:49 AM

somehow, i've been tagged to do this. yes, i'm not really sure but here goes!

rules:
- do the following without complains.
- choose 5 people to do this after you have completed yours.
- leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she has been tagged.
- start your post by 'i have been tagged' then do this.

your 10 favourites:
favourite colour: orange/yellow(both are about the same right?)
favourite food: cookies!
favourite movies: no preference but lord of the rings (all three) has been top spot
favourite sports: soccer and hockey!
favourite season: snow-filled winter
favourite day of the week: fridays
favourite ice cream flavour: cookies and cream!
favourite countries: argentina and england
favourite things: gosh, it should be my clothes

your 9 currents:
current mood: depressed due to tomorrow's econs paper
current clothes: some cheap nike imitation and a very aged pair of lotto shorts
current desktop: working alright, though it does crank out once in awhile
current toe nails: fine as they are
removed-time: i have no frigging idea what that is
current annoyance: i'm gonna flunk my mid years nicely
current thought: gosh! how i wish friday's just tomorrow
current song: the last sunrise by Aiden (wooo)
current chatter: none, everyone's busy mugging

your 8 first:
first best friend: sng ren zheng (one f****** bastard) MUAHAHA
first crush: urm. yim hui? i'm not even sure whether that was a crush
first movie: ohh land before time! (how i miss that show)
first piercing: i have none -.-
first lie: kindergarten 2, i forgot what it was already!
first music: blink 182! =D
first car: my dad's honda integra
first cry: 4th may 1989

your 7 lasts:
last cigarette: there wasn't even a first to start with
last drink: at my cousin's wedding
last car ride: just this afternoon on the bus!
last crush: -sshh-
last movie seen: she's the man. amanda bynes was hot i tell you
last phone call: 5 minutes ago with my dad
last CD played: some cd i burnt for my brother a year ago

6 have you evers:
have you ever date one of your bestfriend: nopee
have you ever broken the laws: yeah if chewing gum is considered an illegal act
have you ever been on TV: never ever!
have you ever kiss some one that u don't know: nah

5 things that you are wearing:
1. cheap nike imitation
2. aged lotto shorts
3,4,5. i have no idea what else

4 things you had done today:
1. screwed up my maths paper
2. played battle for middle earth
3. cramp some econs facts into this already bulging head of mine
4. nap in the school library

3 things you hear right now:
1. Aiden! =DD
2. my air conditioner
3. my typing noises

2 things you can't live without:
1. sex! kidding! my friends
2. my handphone

1 thing you do when you are bored:
1. stone and blast some songs into my already half-deaf ears

5 people i tag to do this:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5: i don't know! whoever's interested just do it!

phew! finally! this took up almost half an hour to do! gosh i need to go to my econs notes now! tomorrow's another day i'm gonna dieee=(
my eyes burn || 11:08 PM